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A tainted angel's melodies from heaven

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Weight Loss

Wednesday, 06 July 2011

FOLLOW MY BLOGS ON BLOGSPOT TOO!

So its been a long ass time since ive posted on here. I thought that i would have such a kick ass summer id never see a computer keyboard. I was so wrong. All ive done was work my ass off thus far...no vacations an not even a spare dime to do anythin remotely fun. BUT wth i whined on my other blog...i have 2 so if your a blogspotter also come follow me! Check out Beautiful Memoirs and Raviesaurus Rex!

I went to the doctor Friday, been having chronic back pain...went to the doctor and of course it came down to the battle...and it was going to be me and the scale. I am too ashamed to tell you how much weight ive gained just from summer alone but im more than focused to get back to my normal weigtht so that i may work even harder to reach my goal weight so you will find me on here more than ever seeking you ladies for motivation so lets help each other out please! I always look forward in reading all comments, tips and suggestions you lovlies leave in my comment box and i love reading what you all post an leaving my food for thought as well. So i need to set some goals...my birthday is the 16th...almost two weeks. Think i can strive to lose 7 pounds by then? maybe 10? but beggers cant be choosers (thats a tricky lil booger to spell) so 7 pounds is okay with me. I finally got new glasses so im pretty pumped about them! Ill try and upload a photo of them tomorrow...theyre beautiful cat-eyed shape! Im also gonna calculate calorie intakes and outtakes and work on some kind of routine for myself to help shed the pounds and ill have all that posted tomorrow along with any sites that i used to help me along with this whole process to share with any whom deem it valuable. Goodnight you to all you starlets!

<3 E.R.

Thursday, 12 May 2011

I dont even know where to start....fml

So on the up and up, i finally have a new car. Unfortunately for someone that wasnt at fault im paying more then ive ever had to pay for my old car which was newer, and had less mileage.....wtf right? On top of payin a new an much more expensive car note i am also having to pay hospital bills and Dr's dues...totallying over 2,000 dollars. PS...im a full time college student. Ive been soooo stressed trying to pay for everything that ive turned to comfort eating...which is totally not me! Im the chick that makes fun of other chicks for doin that! So besides walkin around the house looking like a lard i also hear crap from my mom....constantly like omg are you pregg! Which just makes me feel way better right? Ive tried to work out some but i only have one sneaker to work with...my other one is in storage because oh yes, were still living with my grandparents...our house STILL isnt done. fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml

My best friend in the entire world asked me the other day if i ever felt like everything would be much better if i were (big gulp) dead. I wasnt shaken up because he asked i was shaken up that someone else could identify with exactly how i felt. Not that im suicidal...or altleast i dont think id try anthin...simply because i dont get my nails done very often but this mani cost wayy too much to mess up with blood...BUT IN REALITY, life would be so much easier if i wasnt here. Ive counted the pros and cons nad its all just a mess. No matter how hard i try to make things work somethin equally rotten if not more rotten happens....its killin me faster than anything else can...good night ladies.

Thursday, 07 April 2011

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

When your dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part.

You roll out of bed and down on your knees, and for a moment you can hardly breathe.

Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room?

No she's not, cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

She takes you in with her crying eyes, and then all at once you have to say goodbye.

Wondering, could you stay my love?

Will you wake up by my side?

No she cant, cause shes gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Would you get them if i did?

No she wont, cause shes gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Monday, 04 April 2011

Sweet Dreams or Beautiful Nightmares...

Lately when i am at home, its torture. Nobody is in a good mood an i get the shit stick passed to me all the time. Meaning that its almost like everyone has met sometime without me and agreed to only treat me like shit. I feel like im on the outside looking in on a happy family when im out of the room but when i enter ive walked into hell. During the week, i seriously do school work via online because i didnt have a car starting out this semester while everyone else comes and go as they please....then when im done w school work im cleaning up after everyone because my grandparents come in bitchin about how gross everythin is and 9/10 its not even my mess im cleaning! So then its bout an hour or 2 hrs before i have to get to work an they (my fam) act like im askin for their souls when i need a ride. Its ridiculous! So i ask my boy to come get me an drop me off an then they get pissy because im "spending so much time with him" but its only because he knows an sympathizes with the situation im in an hes been more than accomodating with giving me rides. So during the week i strictly do schoolwork and work, work. OPn the weekend we like to do a dinner an movie...an i try to always get home by midnight just out of respect that its my grandparents house and that im sharing a room right now with 2 other people....an my fam still leaves me locked out bangin to get in while im shivering cold. Eventually i get inside an still here shit for wakin people up an so i just go straight to bed....but lately ive had these terrifying dreams.

Always the same dream. Its kind of an out of body experience...i wake up from sleeping and i hear sobbing from a bathroom...so i walk towards the bathroom an peer through the cracked door an i can see the back of my own head but im stunned with my reflection i see in the mirror. I pulled my hair back, wrapped in a towel. I had just gotten out of a hot scaulding bath...tryin to burn the hatred and fat from my body. I could see my blistered skin from the hot water and my face was the worst. I had taken tyweezers an was pluckin skin off my face. Tons of blood an skin chunks were in the bathroom sink. An i was cryin....but i havent been able to tell if i was cryin because it hurt or if i was cryin because no matter how deep i plucked i couldnt get the hate that i felt for my life, my body, and my face off. An i just continue to watch me pick my skin from my face til i eventually collapse an die...an just at that second that before i died, i smiled. I was finally pleased.

I need help. This is really gettin to me, not havin a car, or my own room an i know its temporary but gah!!!!!! i feel like its ME vs THE WORLD. I gotta suck it up...but theres only so much weed to get me through...

damn i love my boy.

Friday, 01 April 2011

Faaaaasting

So i began fasting at midnight. I can totally do this. Its just a 24hr fast and im veg, theres never any real food for me in the house anyway. Ive got to go to work hell...idk when, maybe 3-8? WHATEV. Afterwards, the boy is pickin me up an were runnin to Target to pick up some things for the house...an then im comin home to sleep because i have an insanely packed day tomorrow! I wake up at 8a to leave my house at 9a so that i may teach dance at 10a, im done at 11a an from there i head to his place to shower and change so that i can get to work at 1p (which i asked the day off so that he and i can have a relaxing evening downtown before the show but it was denied....fuckin bastards) i get off work at 6p (which they never let me go on time--im either waitin to get replaced from someone running late thats supposed to get there at 6p or its too busy an there like i know you leave like now but can you do this, this an this before you go---an im like uhhh why didnt you ask me ten minutes ago?) so then im headin to his house afterwards to relax an have some wine we only have an hr before we have to get downtown an find parkin before the show starts. What show are we seeing youre askin.....CATS! i absolutely adore it! I know every line an dance move *(ha, such a silly bunhead i am) my favorite cat is Cassandra....id love to be her. Ive been sick for the past two days and i havent seen my boy in fear that id make him sick, which usually we pass colds back an forth because we stay under each other so much. So in fear of havin those CATS tickerts go to waste he stayed away so that i may fully heal an then were both healthy! Good plan, eh? Anyway...so i really miss him. An if you read my last post you know what i cant wait for when i finally get him alone Saturday. But not even sexually, i miss his smell, i miss his forehead kisses, i miss his hands sliding against my waist, i miss him staring at me an smiling an when i ask whats he lookin at he tells me "Youre just so beautiful" of course i never believe him, especially if im not wearin any make up on, i miss grabbin his ass an freakin em out lol, i miss wrappin my arms around his torso an layin my head on his shoulder while hes driving....ha, i guess hes right. It is the little things that count. Its like were falling back in love all over again... <3

Have a great day today!